Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.

Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.

[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.