I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.

As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.

The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.

Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.

A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

In love, we are best pleased when we please others.