It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.

I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

We advise others better than ourselves.

It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.