I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.

I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.

Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.

The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.

Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!