I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.

You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?

There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

A man's enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends.

I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.

Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!