Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

I can't be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I'll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.

In giving advice, aptitude is often less to be considered, than seasonableness.

I don't have to meet actors. I'm really blessed that I don't have to do all that horseshit.

I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.

We advise others better than ourselves.

They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity; but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.