The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.

It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.

We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.

The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.

I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.

I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.

I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.