There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.

Happiness is less regulated by external circumstances than inward enjoyment. Whoever is happy in the satisfaction of himself feels imperturbable felicity; but he, who trusts entirely to the world for the disposition of his peace, must inevitably participate [in] many privations and disappointments.

Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.