Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.

I don't have to meet actors. I'm really blessed that I don't have to do all that horseshit.

Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.

The character of giving advice often makes us accountable for the conduct of those we advise.

It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh, man, a guy diving off a cliff! And then another guy'd dive- Oh, there's another guy diving off a cliff there. But you can't tell who's better, y'know? Like, uh- if you survive at all, hey, you're a great- you're a great cliff diver there. There's only two classifications in cliffdiving. There's, uh- 'Grand Champion' and then, uh- 'Stuff On a Rock.' Very hard to make a comeback in that sport, I'll tell you that.

In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.