Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.

I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.

Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.

I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.

I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.

The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.