I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.

I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.

Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.

I guess [Richard] Pryor was that good. I never saw him in a theater, but I imagine he was that good, because he was such a phenomenal actor.

Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.