I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.

Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.

I don't have to meet actors. I'm really blessed that I don't have to do all that horseshit.

It is better to be idle than employed in ill.

Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's one point, that all of a sudden I'm bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.

I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.