If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.

There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.

Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!

They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.