Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.

I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.

On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.

The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!

After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.