We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.

I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.

There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.

During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.

Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.