I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.

[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.

In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.

Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.