I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.

I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.

It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.

They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.

As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.

The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.