I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.

The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.

I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.

Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.