What is my loftiest ambition? I've always wanted to throw an egg at an electric fan.

A kiss is a course of procedure cunningly devised, for the mutual stopage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

There is always room at the top - after the investigation.

The Elf and the Dormouse UNDER a toadstool crept a wee Elf, Out of the rain to shelter himself. Under the toadstool, sound asleep, Sat a big Dormouse all in a heap. Trembled the wee Elf, frightened and yet Fearing to fly away lest he get wet. To the next shelter-maybe a mile! Sudden the wee Elf smiled a wee smile. Tugged till the toadstool toppled in two. Holding it over him, gaily he flew. Soon he was safe home, dry as could be. Soon woke the Dormouse-"Good gracious me!" "Where is my toadstool?" loud he lamented. -And that's how umbrellas first were invented.

Tact is to lie about others as you would have them lie about you.

Diplomacy is living in state.