Oliver Herford Quotes

A man is known by the silence he keeps.

Many are called but few get up.

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but it gains a certain polish.

Song is the licensed medium for bawling in public things too silly or sacred to be uttered in ordinary speech.

Only the young die good.

Age, like distance lends a double charm.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

If some people got their rights they would complain of being deprived of their wrongs.

A pest is a person who can talk like an encyclopedia, and does.

Tact is to lie about others as you would have them lie about you.

Some take their gold in minted mold, and some in harps thereafter, but give me mine in bubbles fine and keep the change in laughter.

A man must love a thing very much if he not only practices it without any hope of fame and money, but even... without any hope of doing it well.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Diplomacy: lying in state.

Diplomacy is living in state.

To babble is to make a feminine noise somewhat resembling the sound of a brook, but with less meaning.

Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

Darling: the popular form of address used in speaking to a member of the opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

What is my loftiest ambition? I've always wanted to throw an egg at an electric fan.

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

An epicure is one who gets nothing better than the cream of everything but cheerfully makes the best of it.

A kiss is a course of procedure cunningly devised, for the mutual stopage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Modesty: the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.

The Elf and the Dormouse UNDER a toadstool crept a wee Elf, Out of the rain to shelter himself. Under the toadstool, sound asleep, Sat a big Dormouse all in a heap. Trembled the wee Elf, frightened and yet Fearing to fly away lest he get wet. To the next shelter-maybe a mile! Sudden the wee Elf smiled a wee smile. Tugged till the toadstool toppled in two. Holding it over him, gaily he flew. Soon he was safe home, dry as could be. Soon woke the Dormouse-"Good gracious me!" "Where is my toadstool?" loud he lamented. -And that's how umbrellas first were invented.

Gather kittens while you may, Time brings only sorrow; And the kittens of today; Will be old cats tomorrow.

There is always room at the top - after the investigation.

When I go abroad I always sail from Boston because it is such a pleasant place to get away from.

I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.