Many are called but few get up.

What is my loftiest ambition? I've always wanted to throw an egg at an electric fan.

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

Tact is to lie about others as you would have them lie about you.

Some take their gold in minted mold, and some in harps thereafter, but give me mine in bubbles fine and keep the change in laughter.

An epicure is one who gets nothing better than the cream of everything but cheerfully makes the best of it.

A man must love a thing very much if he not only practices it without any hope of fame and money, but even... without any hope of doing it well.