If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should do is quit being moral. Screw the rights of nature. Nature will have rights as soon as it get duties. The minute we see birds, trees, bugs, and squirrels picking up litter, giving money to charity, and keeping an eye on our kids at the park, we'll let them vote.

Jewishness cropped up and has never successfully been put down since.

Sometimes you need a B-2 bomber and sometimes you need your mother.

Bill Maher can be pretty good, except when he gets "important." Maher's all over the place politically.

There is only one basic human right: the right to do as you please, without causing others harm. With it comes our only basic human duty: the duty to accept the consequences of our actions.

[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things.

That happy sense of purpose people have when standing up for a principle they haven't really been knocked down for yet.