It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as people that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer.

Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime.

I like to take things that are boring-but-important and try to make them interesting. That was definitely what I was after with Eat The Rich.

The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting.

This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they're green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you.