Michael O'Donoghue was a very close friend of mine - very encouraging with my stuff, and really a great guy - but he was a no-kidding difficult person.

I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.

Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.

How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face?

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.

The only time a bachelor's bed is made is when it's in the factory.

It doesn't matter how many televisions and computers and pieces of stereo equipment the Chinese send to us, even if they're sending them to us only in return for some funny, little, green pieces of paper. That is a balanced trade. They got what they wanted: the green pieces of paper. We got what we wanted: the plush toys, the computers, the stereo components.