Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

In general, life is better than it has ever been, and if you think that, in the past, there was some golden age of pleasure and plenty to which you would, if you were able, transport yourself, let me say one single word : Dentistry.

Last year, on a long car trip, I was listening to Rush Limbaugh shout. I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him. I listen to NPR: "World to end-poor and minorities hardest hit." I like to argue with the radio.

I don't watch much television. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I don't know where The Daily Show stand politically, do you?

I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.

You start out with Mad magazine, and you go right through the sort of black humor of Lenny Bruce, Lord Buckley, Mort Sahl, Paul Krassner... If you put Lenny together with Mad magazine and run it through the brain of a college student, you get National Lampoon.

Dating is the social engagement with the threat of sex at its conclusion.