To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze.

I'm a rather decisive type.

France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell.

The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.

I had really not been out of the United States much, except for Mexico. I thought, "Jesus Christ, this [Russia] is like a whole new world." Instead of writing Michael Jackson one-glove jokes, all I had to do was go to these weird places and keep my eyes and ears open.