To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze.

Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.

I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do.

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.

African famine is not a visitation of fate. It is largely man-made, and the men who made it are largely Africans.

There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.