To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze.

Actually, there is no way of making vomiting courteous. You have to do the next best thing, which is to vomit in such a way that the story you tell about it later will be amusing.

I wonder if it changes the nature of a society for beauty to be so common. Maybe in Vietnam "She has a wonderful personality" really means something. But I couldnt figure out a polite way to ask.

Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive.

For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

Popular culture has become engorged, broadening and thickening until it's the only culture anyone notices.