In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter.

A dugout is much superior to a conventional manufactured canoe because you can get soaking wet without bothering to capsize it.

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.

So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else available. Western civilization not only provides a bit of life, a pinch of liberty and the occasional pursuance of happiness, it's also the only thing that's ever tried to. Our civilization is the first in history to show even the slightest concern for average, undistinguished, none-too-commendable people like us.

There aren't many political humorists. Dave Barry is excellent, but he doesn't do it much.

During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?