You can smoke or drink on a golf course without interrupting the game, and you can take a leak - something you can't do on a squash court and shouldn't do in a swimming pool.

When politics are used to allocate resources, the resources all end up being allocated to politics.

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. The next best vegetable is the jalapeno pepper. It has the virtue of turning salads into practical jokes.

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.