Maybe it's understandable what a history of failures America's foreign policy has been. We are, after all, a country full of people who came to America to get away from foreigners. Any prolonged examination of the U.S. government reveals foreign policy to be America's miniature schnauzer -- a noisy but small and useless part of the national household.

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.

The Vietnamese Hoa were merchants and manufacturers. They were very successful and thus, according to the logic of Marxism, responsible for society's failures. The Hoa suffered the same fate as the pizza parlour in Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing except at the hands of the world's fourth largest army instead of a small, petulant movie director.

A dugout is much superior to a conventional manufactured canoe because you can get soaking wet without bothering to capsize it.

The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some.

Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty.

There is parody, when you make fun of people who are smarter than you; satire, when you make fun of people who are richer than you; and burlesque, when you make fun of both while taking your clothes off.