Smoking cigarettes seems to alarm peace activists much more than voting for Reagan does.

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal

A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.

Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.

I think in the [Bill] Clinton era, if people hadn't been spending vast amounts of time attacking Clinton, they would have found that they had essentially the same problems as they do now.