The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.

Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.

I'm 61 years old. I'm not that fearful of the future, period. I'm not going to see that much of it.

A good bachelor drinks his dessert (and sometimes the rest of his meals). A sweet tooth is a danger signal that you're getting too much exercise and not enough cocktails.

I had grown up as a feature writer, and basically my career had been in The National Lampoon and as a magazine editor, and I'd never been a reporter.

Never strike anyone so old, small or weak that verbal abuse would have sufficed.

Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.