Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit

[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things.

We like to pile language on language. Hunter [ S. Thompson] was an influence on me, no doubt about it.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."

Imagine having journalists in your own home and not even covering the furniture with plastic sheets first.

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.