My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.

People shouldn't be treated like objects. They aren't that valuable.

Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.

We like to pile language on language. Hunter [ S. Thompson] was an influence on me, no doubt about it.

Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.

I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists.