Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is just operating on a smaller scale and lacks the advantage of having made enormous soft-money campaign contributions to political candidates.

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.

Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast.

[T]he Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? Or maybe the people in Texas were attacked because of child abuse. But, if child abuse was the issue, why didn't Janet Reno tear-gas Woody Allen?

From National Lampoon, you go directly to Saturday Night Live, because it's a lot of the same people.