I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

My following is straight. I'm so glad.

As far as cookbooks go, I think Joy of Cooking is a classic. I've used it over and over again. Julia Child frustrates me. By the time you get all her herbs together, you're exhausted

The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I'd get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you.

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.

I cant stand those food cult people who bring their own food into the house. All those little thermoses and paper bags-it makes the other guests uncomfortable.

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.