I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.

I cant stand those food cult people who bring their own food into the house. All those little thermoses and paper bags-it makes the other guests uncomfortable.

I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I've decided if I can make people laugh, I'm making a more important contribution.

I'm used to living alone, and I like it that way. You become so selfish living alone...I'd make a terrible husband anyway.

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name.