Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.

The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name.

I'm used to living alone, and I like it that way. You become so selfish living alone...I'd make a terrible husband anyway.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.