Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?

When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars.

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.

I don't always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I'll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly.