I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.

I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.

I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities.

When a woman extends her hand for you to shake it, then you shake her hand. You do not turn it up and kiss it. And it is just so creepy. Because, you know, I handed it at this angle. I handed it at the handshake angle and so I'm not giving it to you to do whatever you want with it. I'm not loaning it to you. It's like if somebody borrowed your lawnmower and you're assuming they're going to use it to mow their lawn. You don't want to find out later they put it in the ocean!