Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

I was court-ordered to Alcoholics Anonymous on television. Pretty much blows the hell out of the second A, wouldn't you say?

I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.

I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.

I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I thought, “I’m in the clear for at least 10 more years.”