Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name and apparently that's the key to the whole thing right there. I go in every few weeks and guess.

I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.

Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

My mom is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones glass off the kitchen table. She said, 'Well, dammit, we can't have nice things.'

When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.