Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.

The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

I also like a great Caesar salad with anchovies, although I don't know why some places say 'with anchovies.' If you're making a proper Caesar salad, it's going to have anchovies.

I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I thought, “I’m in the clear for at least 10 more years.”

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.