When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.

I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.

I've always thought that if my death was imminent, I would read. When I can't focus on a book, I tend to keep reading the same page. My guess is, I would've read, like the first page of Nicholas Nickleby over and over again.

The mistakes that I made I made because I drank too much. I don't think that's going to happen any more. Am I going to make mistakes as a parent? Sadly, every day. I'm looking around for the perfect parent and I haven't seen one yet.

I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.

I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.

I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.