It's fair to say that the Bible contains equal amounts of fact, history, and pizza.

Even if I disagree with Obama on many, many things, he is certainly qualified to be president. He is certainly competent to be president.

I think people under age 55 come to Vegas with a certain sense of irony.

In music, if you hit a wrong note, people forgive you. In magic when something goes wrong, the entire art is destroyed.

I didn't learn fire-eating to conquer my fears. I learned fire-eating because I desperately wanted to be in show business.

If the bible were published as fiction, no reviewer would give it a passing grade. There are some vivid scenes and quotable phrases but there's no plot, no structure, a tremendous amount of filler and the characters are painfully one dimensional. Whatever you do, don't read the bible for a moral code. It advocates prejudice, cruelty, superstition and murder. Read it because we need more atheists.

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.