I get along so much better with fundamentalist Christians than I do with wishy-washy liberals, who want everyone to get along.

Computers absolutely changed my life. Before I had a computer, I had never written one thing. Not one thing. I'm a very bad speller and I was embarrassed by that. When I would type, the little mistakes would make me nutty, and I would never edit anything.

I believe very much that the most damning thing you can say about Muslims is that you're afraid to say anything because they'll hurt you.

This is going to sound horrible, but I don't even know how much I make in a year. It must be, you know, a couple of million dollars, a few million. I know it's more money than my dad, a jail guard, made in his lifetime; more money than I'll ever need.

There are performers who have built their whole career doing magic on TV and can't really perform live at all - don't really have jobs and skills.

The Tea Party claims to want small government.

Comedy is taken care of by a free market.