I never wanted to be a magician. I never wanted to be a comedian. I never wanted to be onstage.

You don’t have to be brave or a saint, a martyr, or even very smart to be an atheist. All you have to be able to say is “I don’t know”.

I get along so much better with fundamentalist Christians than I do with wishy-washy liberals, who want everyone to get along.

So many people say, ‘You know, your taxes aren’t taken by force,’ and that’s foolish. If you don’t pay your taxes and you don’t answer the warrant and you don’t go to court, eventually someone will pull a gun. Eventually someone with a gun will show up.

'Celebrity Apprentice' has more integrity and is the most straightforward show I've ever seen.

If you've gotten yourself into a situation when Clay Aiken is going to talk about his feelings with you, it's time to kill yourself.

Teller and I worked Renaissance Festivals and street performing - actually more real, no kidding around, Philadelphia street performing than we did Renaissance Festivals.