Were you here in the bad old days? ... That's why you can't read and write then!

We live in what virtually amounts to a museum - which does not happen to a lot of people.

[after accepting a gift from a Kenyan woman] You are a woman, aren't you?

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I've practised for many years.

All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.

Do you still throw spears at each other?

It makes you all look like Dracula's daughters!