In the days when the nation depended on agriculture for its wealth it made the Lord Chancellor sit on a woolsack to remind him where the wealth came from. I would like to suggest we remove that now and make him sit on a crate of machine tools.

You managed not to get eaten then?

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?

Do you work in a strip club?

No, I'd probably end up spitting it out over everybody.

Do people trip over you?