When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant.

I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer.

I just wonder what it would be like to be reincarnated in an animal whose species had been so reduced in numbers than it was in danger of extinction. What would be its feelings toward the human species whose population explosion had denied it somewhere to exist. I must confess that I am tempted to ask for reincarnation as a particularly deadly virus.

That's a nice tie... Do you have any knickers in that material?

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.

You can't have been here long, you haven't got a pot belly.