When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

"It looks as though it was put in by an Indian." He later backtracked: "I meant to say cowboys."

It's difficult to see how it's possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.

People say after a fire it's water damage that's the worst. We're still drying out Windsor Castle.

Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you are deaf.

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.