Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you?

Tolerance is the one essential ingredient ... You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance.

If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.

If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion.

People say after a fire it's water damage that's the worst. We're still drying out Windsor Castle.

A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone's working too much. Now everybody's got more leisure time they're complaining they're unemployed. People don't seem to make up their minds what they want.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.