Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who...have already accepted as inevitable the wide gulf between their real futures and the expectations of their fantasies.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.

In England, nobody's your friend.

The programs constantly repeat themselves and one another. No one has yet had the nerve to say, 'As we have nothing sensible to tell you between now and 8:30, please tune in again then.

The worst part of being gay in the twentieth century is all that damn disco music to which one has to listen.

Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.