I am asked how to remain young, and I say 'Never, never work.' And that, of course, is the secret of it.

Everybody who's been on television more than once wears in public an expression of fatuous affability. Because you may be addressed at any moment by somebody.

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

What better proof of love can there be than money? A ten-shilling note shows incontrovertibly just how mad about you a man is.

Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.

One of the special beauties of America is that it is the only country in the world where you are not advised to learn the language before entering. Before I ever set out for the United States, I asked a friend if I should study American. His answer was unequivocal. "On no account," he said. "The more English you sound, the more likely you are to be believed."

A fair share of anything is starvation diet to an egomaniac.