In the end, we decide if we're remembered for what happened to us or for what we did with it.

That's the thing about marriage. It's a shell game we play with ourselves. We're the suckers and we have to lose, but we play anyway because we lie to ourselves that we can win.

The grass is always greener once you don't have to mow a lawn anymore.

Sometimes old things need to go away. That way, we have room for the new things that come into our lives.

Nothing like a lot of exercise to make you realize you'd rather be lazy and dead sooner.

Ah, sweet alcohol. Like a true friend, you replace the anger with better, louder anger.

Why do we have to wait for special moments to say nice things or tell people we care about them?