Each day it's like: 'How many more days am I going to feel young and vibrant? I feel young and vibrant now, but I also feel the aches and pains a little bit.

If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.

Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters.

My theory has always been that everyone in show business is there because they were deprived of some attention as a child.

I'll be spending the holidays with my family. Nothing special, just some light bickering and biting sarcasm.