The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life.

In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

I want to do well and I want to fit in.

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

Without identical twins, you'll never get to experience entering a hotel room with one of them and watching him run into the full-length mirror because he though he saw his brother.

When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid.