I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.

Whenever I get down about life going by too quickly, what helps me is a little mantra that I repeat to myself: at least I'm not a fruit fly.

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life.

The first time I played golf was in Flushing Meadows, Queens, when I was about 16 or 17. They had an 18-hole pitch-and-putt. My buddies and I would hop the fence and sneak on and play.

As an actor, that's nerve-wracking enough [drunk and doing coke] because you have to do it at the right level.

I married a saint - well, a saint who curses.

I am like Hugh Hefner minus anything good about his life.